A lot has changed since my last blog post. I know that it's been about 2 months since I last posted on here but I have been totally busy with exams that I barely had time to see my horse never mind writing a blog post.
So, one of the biggest change that has happened in my life is that I have found an amazing lad who I love so very much. He's the greatest person alive and I am so happy to be a part of his life.
How did we meet?
It all started when my best friend was on FaceTime to me telling me about this boy (who, for the sake of this blog post, I am going to call Specs). She was telling me about how she is "talking" (which basically means the stage before any relationship where you get to know each other and you see if they are the one you want to share your life with etc) to Specs and she was telling me about Specs' friend (who I am going to call DJ for the sake of this blog) so I found him on Facebook and sent him a friend request. Whilst I was on FaceTime to my friend DJ sent me a message asking me who I was. After talking to him for a good half hour we starting getting to know each other etc and we really connected. We continued "talking" to each other over messenger for the next few days and each message I received gave me this weird butterfly feeling in my stomach and that's how I knew that I really liked him a lot.
A couple of days later I met up with him at school and it was a bit awkward at first as my friend and his friend were both stood there so DJ and I were feeling a tad bit nervous but we soon chilled out after a while. However, we had our first argument when he told me that he did something and I didn't believe him as it was ridiculously stupid and so after I told him that I didn't believe him he got annoyed with me and I got annoyed with him. The next day he apologised to me and I did the same. We were soon back to normal. Then a couple of days later he asked me out and of course I said yes but then, thanks to my anxiety, I started having second thoughts so I had to end it pretty much the next day. He totally understood my reasons and so we weren't arguing or falling out. Then I had a total breakdown because I just ended a relationship with the one person I loved so I met up with him and we were talking and I ended up giving him a massive hug and now we are back in the "talking" stage.
This time round, it feels different. No more second thoughts. No more drama. Nothing other than true feelings.
I'm meeting up with him in town on Wednesday (the day after tomorrow) and I cannot wait. To be able to spend a day with the one person I love is the best thing that could ever happen to me.
The hardest thing:
The hardest thing about all of this is that he is my first ever proper boyfriend and he knows that and respects that I haven't kissed anyone before and that I have no clue what I am doing so he knows not to rush into things. It is just hard though because I am literally going into this clueless. I don't know how relationships work but the one thing I do know is that I love him very much and he loves me even more and that is all that matters I suppose.
A bit about DJ:
DJ (obviously not his real name but I am not gonna tell you what it is as it isn't fair on him) goes to the same school as me, however he is in the year above me (Y11). He is quite 'badass' and does get onto trouble quite a lot (but don't worry guys I'm not gonna turn into a 'badass' girl who skips class or anything haha). I can't really tell you too much as I promised to keep his secrets (sorrryyyy).
I told him about my anxiety and my panic attacks and how they have almost taken over my life and he really understands and wants to help me get through them. I also told him that Spencer (my horse) will always come before him and he understands that too although they still need to meet ;)
"I fell in love the way you fall asleep,, slowly then all at once" - John Green
I found this quote and found it so fitting to my love life. DJ and I fell in love with each other slowly and then all at once.
I will try and keep you posted more often on this blog as it is the Christmas holidays so I will have more time to write and publish more posts.
Hope you have a lovely day!
Bye for now,, GemsBlog x x x